Sound familiar? If you have a preschooler, you’ve probably heard this phrase (or screamed it in your head) a thousand times. Sharing is one of those things that seems like it should come naturally, but let’s be honest, it doesn’t. Instead, it turns your sweet little angel into a toy-hoarding, tantrum-throwing gremlin.
So why won’t your preschooler share? And more importantly, how do you fix it before you lose your sanity?
Let’s break it down into eight eye-opening reasons (and some genius mom-approved fixes!).
1. They Think Possession = Ownership
Preschoolers operate on a very simple principle: If it’s in my hand, it’s mine. If I looked at it last week, it’s mine. If it exists within a five-foot radius of me, it’s mine.
Fix It:
Use the “Special vs. Community” trick. Have a small box for their extra special toys (that they don’t have to share) and another for community toys that everyone can use. This gives them a sense of control while teaching sharing boundaries.
2. They’re Hardwired for Survival (Even Though We’re Not in the Jungle)
Back in the caveman days, if you gave away your last piece of food, you starved. Preschoolers still have this me-first survival instinct, even though their biggest threat is running out of Goldfish crackers.
Fix It:
Turn sharing into a win-win. Instead of forcing them to give something up, show them how sharing brings more fun. “If you let Liam use your truck, you get to use his train! Double the fun!”
3. They Have Zero Impulse Control
Your preschooler sees a toy they want? Boom, straight to grab mode. It’s not personal; their little brains just aren’t great at self-control yet.
Fix It:
Practice turn-taking with a visual timer (like the Time Timer). When the red section disappears, it’s time to switch. This makes waiting and sharing way easier to understand.
4. They Think Sharing Means Losing
To a preschooler, giving up a toy feels like it’s gone FOREVER. (Cue the dramatic meltdown.)
Fix It:
Use the “trade, don’t take” method. Instead of saying, “Give it to her!” try, “Can you find another toy to trade?” This makes sharing feel like an even exchange, not a loss.
5. They Learn From You (Uh-Oh!)
Kids copy EVERYTHING. If they see us being territorial about our stuff (“That’s mommy’s coffee! That’s daddy’s phone!”), guess what? They do the same with their toys.
Fix It:
Model sharing in everyday life. Say things like, “Let’s share this cookie! You take half, I take half!” so they see that sharing is normal (and nobody loses in the process).
6. They Don’t Understand Feelings Yet
Empathy is a skill, one that preschoolers are still developing. So when their friend is crying because they won’t share? They genuinely might not get why it’s a big deal.
Fix It:
Use simple cause-and-effect explanations: “Look, Emma feels sad because she wants a turn. Let’s help Emma feel happy by sharing for a little bit!” This teaches them why sharing matters.
7. They’re Testing Boundaries (a.k.a. Tiny Scientists of Chaos)
Preschoolers are always experimenting. “What happens if I don’t share? Will Mom freak out? Will my friend cry? Will I get the toy forever?!”
Fix It:
Give natural consequences: “If we can’t take turns, the toy goes away for a while.” This teaches them that not sharing = no fun for anyone.
8. They Don’t See the Benefit… Yet
Let’s be real, sharing doesn’t seem fun to a preschooler. It just feels like someone else getting their stuff.
Fix It:
Make sharing the cool thing to do. “Wow, you let Jack have a turn? That was so kind! You’re such a great friend!” Praise works wonders.
THE GAME-CHANGER: A MUST-HAVE SECRET WEAPON
If you want to turn sharing struggles into smooth sailing, try a sharing-friendly toy.
Something like the Melissa & Doug Wooden Car Ramp is perfect. It encourages natural turn-taking (one kid sends a car down, then the other). It’s a sharing lesson disguised as fun, and kids won’t even realize they’re learning!
Final Thoughts: You Got This, Mama!
Sharing is a skill, not an instinct. And like any skill, it takes time, practice, and about a million reminders. But with these tricks (and a little patience), your tiny toy-hoarder will be a sharing pro in no time.
Now tell me, what’s the weirdest thing your preschooler has refused to share? Drop it in the comments, I need a good laugh!