Picture this: You finally sit down with your cup of coffee (that you’ve reheated three times), and just as you take your first glorious sip…
Screaming. Crying. Possibly a flying object.
Your precious preschoolers, those adorable little humans you grew, birthed, and lovingly nurtured, are at it again. Fighting over the blue cup, the big chair, or who got one more Cheerio. You wonder, Was I this dramatic as a child? (Spoiler: probably.)
Take a deep breath, mama. You’re not alone. Preschooler sibling rivalry is as inevitable as that forgotten sippy cup rolling under the couch. But don’t worry, I’ve got you! Here are seven sanity-saving ways to handle sibling rivalry without hiding in the pantry.
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings (Even When It’s Ridiculous)
To you, it’s just a red crayon. To them, it’s THE red crayon, the one that holds the power of the universe. Instead of shutting them down with “Stop fighting!” try:
“I see that you’re both really upset about this. It’s hard when you both want the same thing!”
When kids feel heard, they’re more likely to calm down. (And yes, sometimes it works before someone gets bonked on the head.)
2. Teach Them the Art of Taking Turns
Sharing is hard. Waiting is harder. But preschoolers love timers!
Set a timer for 2 minutes. When it beeps, they switch. Bonus tip: If they refuse to hand it over, the timer fairy (that’s you) magically whisks the toy away for no one to use. Watch them suddenly become turn-taking champions.
3. Create a “Peace Place”
No, not a timeout. A chill zone. A comfy spot with books, squishy pillows, and fidget toys where they can go to cool down when tensions rise.
Let them help design it, so they actually want to use it! (And maybe, just maybe, you can enjoy your coffee for a full five minutes.)
4. Use the “You Two Solve It” Trick
You are not their personal referee. When they come running to you with the latest injustice, try this:
“I hear that you both want the toy. What ideas do you have to solve this?”
Watch their little gears turn as they (begrudgingly) negotiate a truce. (And if they don’t? Well, the toy mysteriously disappears for the rest of the day.)
5. Catch the Good Moments
Preschoolers thrive on attention. If they only get it when they’re fighting, guess what they’ll keep doing? Instead, notice the good stuff. “Wow! You gave your brother a turn, high five!”
“I love how you used your words instead of grabbing!”
Positive reinforcement makes peace more appealing than battle.
6. Give Them Space from Each Other
Too much together time can make anyone cranky (including grown-ups, hello, family road trips). Plan separate activities occasionally, even if it’s just one kid playing with stickers while the other gets extra snuggles with you.
If they start bickering non-stop, it’s a sign they need a break. Enforce some quiet solo time, think puzzles, books, or sending one on a mission to find all the missing socks (which are probably in the toy bin).
7. Stay (Mostly) Chill
Your kids take their cues from you. If you’re constantly exasperated, they’ll match that energy. But if you stay calm and show them how to work through conflict, they’ll start to (slowly, painfully) learn.
Model patience.
Use a neutral tone.
Take your own deep breaths. (Or chocolate breaks. No judgment.)
The Bottom Line
Sibling rivalry is frustrating, exhausting, and sometimes comically absurd. But with a little patience, a lot of deep breaths, and maybe a tiny bit of bribery (kidding! …sort of), you can help your kids get along.
And hey, someday, they’ll be best friends. But for now, let’s just aim for not mortal enemies.
You’ve got this, mama!
What’s your go-to sibling rivalry survival trick? Share in the comments, I need all the help I can get!